


You're the Canary

by orphan_account



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance
Genre: (yikey), Literally why, M/M, Summer of Likey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-21
Updated: 2016-09-21
Packaged: 2018-08-16 11:33:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8100859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Pete looks back on the summer of ‘05 in his autobiography. (i don’t know what this is i came up with it while procrastinating writing an essay on the salem witch trials)





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [brbsinning](https://archiveofourown.org/users/brbsinning/gifts).



The summer of 2005 was one of the best and worst summers I’ve ever experienced. It was the summer I found the love of my life, and the summer I had to watch everything I had fade away from me. I’m certain he loved me back, now, but at the time, I was convinced that the only reason he didn’t return my calls was because he never really wanted to be with me. I was young, and foolish, and thought everyone loved the same way.

 

I fell in love with his eyes before anything else. The way they sparkled when he spoke, the brown strip in his right eye. I fell in love with his smile, and then the way he played, and his jersey accent, and then it all snowballed from there, and I ended up falling in love with all of him.

 

I remember posting cryptic livejournal posts about him, and dedicating songs to him, and making a shirt that said ‘I heart revenge.’ I’m certain I still have that shirt somewhere. I remember when it all ended, packing up everything he gave me, everything I did for him, in both a physical and mental box creatively titled ‘do not touch.’ Why I ever thought that was a good idea, I have no clue, because it ended up being the ruination of me.

 

Everything I wrote about after that seemed to have some sort of tie to him, whether it was purposeful or subconscious. I can’t listen to Bang the Doldrums to this day, and I’m sure he can’t either.

 

I’m so hung up on this, and it’s been twenty years.

 

The day it all ended was the day I fell apart. I remember that day with crystal clear detail. I woke up, in his arms, the last day of the tour. I remember panicking, because I just _didn’t want it to end_. I took some of his brother’s lipstick and broke up with him probably the worst way possible- a goodbye note, in sparkly red lipstick, all over his left arm. Then I ran away.

 

I never asked him how he was doing, because I was focusing on the fact that I was falling apart. From what I’ve heard, he did just as badly. It didn’t help when people began to analyse us- realise there was _something_ going on. Don’t get me wrong- I was fine with that. But they would never really know how much I really loved him. Nobody knows, not even him, because I can’t put it into words, or song, or- fucking- art.

 

How pathetic is this? A forty-something man crying at midnight over a box of things that haven’t been opened for twenty years.

 

And they all still smell like you.

 

We still saw each other after that, of course we did. But for the longest time, all we had was small talk. ‘How was your day?’ ‘How are you doing?’ The lie was always ‘I’m fine.’ We weren’t fine, but neither of us had the guts to show that.

 

The truth is, I loved him. Love him. That’s something I haven’t admitted in a while.

 

That’s something I won’t admit again, probably, so hold on tight to it, because it’ll be gone eventually.

 

This isn’t a plea for attention, or a beg for you to take me back. I know that very, very short chapter of my life is over. I wish it had been longer, but what is done is done. We can’t do this, we couldn’t do this, we’ll never do this again. And it took me a long time to accept that, but I do now.

 

We both knew it had to end, we both knew we couldn't be together. We were both explosive, and even a summer was almost too much for us. I just wish I hadn't ended it this way. Running away at 2 am with my heart nearly falling out of my chest.

 

So thank you for reading my life’s story- and I know, there are many chapters left. But honestly? I lived more during that summer than i did the rest of my life. I lived an entire lifetime in my time with you. So thank you, Mikeyway. Because I may have broken both of our hearts, but it was beautiful while it lasted.

  
I love you.

**Author's Note:**

> whY DID I WRITE THIS
> 
> (yw lex) 
> 
> (it's lowkey trash but i dont have any time 2 edit it or anything so i'll just edit it later in life ig)


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